we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

LW: When I started reading this letter I was prepared to tell you to MOA, but by the end I decided that you and your boyfriend sound like equally shitty people! Not necessarily. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Scummy is the wrong word to use. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Your welcome. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. lets_be_honest Pregnancy by deception? To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. Watch your language young lady! Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. iseeshiny But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. Now Im confused. Go argue with the feminists. But Susie is looking forward to going away to college. Or shes against abortion. They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. I make no exception for men or women. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. bittergaymark lets_be_honest John Rohan Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. female Get over yourself and get over him. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. It isnt pertinent to the discussion. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! I am sorry, but that is just dumb. Sue Jones And he shouldnt, either. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Just sayin. Men AND women have walked away from children. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. iseeshiny female I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? Even if she was lying about being on birth control. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. I cried and felt so depressed. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? personally i think this is a confusing, gray area that Im not sure I know the answer to. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? Posted Over 1 Month. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. The sex was good. she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Iwannatalktosampson P.S. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Dee S. Advocate John Rohan Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. Hes a real winner. Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Let him go. Please do better. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. Wheww. Abortion is safe and legal, right? SweetsAndBeats Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Not your body, not your choice. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Understand that he will not leave her for you. So just ignore them, thats what I do. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. bittergaymark Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. lets_be_honest That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. female LOL. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. landygirl. Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. Move forward with your life. I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. female I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! Mileage 450. Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. MOA, ASAP. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? Wellyeah. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? Rachelgrace53 Its not a comparable situation at all. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. 2. Chuck(le) Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. Are sued for child support. Might he have continued sleeping with her? My issue is even, at the very least, if you dont want to wear a condom.then pull out!!! Yes? I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. lets_be_honest You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! WTH is that?! Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. Hi. SweetsAndBeats I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Not me. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. When two people opt to have not conceive by mistake but instead carry through to birth a child, they should be obligated to that child. It is actually quite easy. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. If the woman is not required to support a child If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. He said this is not gonna ruin us, but Im unsure. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. hi there! That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. P.P.S. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. April 9, 2012, 5:05 pm. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. And I do commend him for providing financial support. He is doing alot better. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. Yep. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. All rights reserved. female It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. female And it will need a mother and a father. How the heck do you administer THAT?! That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. Thats my advice. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? Seriously, this makes my blood boil. Come on! How fast his new relationship is moving. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? well, then Id run screaming the other way. female At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen.

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