Head up love yourself because if you dont how do you expect others to love you and dont beg or say you will do anything or offer to change it will not work . Thank you for this article your right about anything, Im so depressed right now because my husband of 4 years leaves me for the reason that he doesnt love me at all. Be careful, maybe hire a lawyer before you get your settlement. I have faith in you and hopefully me reaching out will help show while there is real evil, there is real good in the world. We are happy to provide resources, but please know that our site is not meant to be a substitute for professional mental health or relationship help. GoodTherapy.org is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we would like to encourage you to reach out. I am going to visit my parents and I will be back. As soon as she had her degree and job, she didnt need me anymore at least thats how Ive chosen to see it. I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. You knew I would do anything for those kids and yet you continue to prove our family will never be worth your time and effort or attention. Seems life will continue and I appreciate the hope you have instilled through sharing the stories you have all provided. This just didnt happen in my family. She doesnt cook (not in 20 years I have known her, not a joke either), does not clean (although has started making some effort in this area) but is simply heartless to them. I wish I could meet one of these women in here going through all this pain and sweep them off their feet. She use to tell me I was a good man and was so good to her. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . Like being inside of Hitlers mind. Ive just found out hes been messaging an ex alot but swears only messaging. He hasnt seen his children since he left,my daughter that is 22 wants nothing to do with him,she really wants to kick his butt.im having a hard time dealing with this, I cant believe he could do this to us he was a wonderful father and husband what makes a man do this? Good luckto us bothwe will be OK though. When everyone had left he told me how much he loved me , how proud he was of me. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. She has been seeing someone for depression, but therapist seemed geared more towards providing affirmation to affluent clients than identifying and treating the more important clinical issues. I only found out because I found an email n so I emailed her. Just worry about yourself. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. This has always worked well for us. This may have nothing to do with you so giving him some space and trying to be supportive for now might help. Its hard to keep it together plus take care of kids. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to stay strong when youre sad and heartbroken. Its hard to give up thinking they will come back. But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. So find a new companion to share your life with. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. He wanted what he wanted and he used whatever he could think of justify getting it. I work part time supporting in a school. It feels better to chat about it, too know others are going through the same thing & it does suck. Two blows in one go. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you deeply anyway. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! I dont even know where to start now. When he blames you for his emotional state, he is doing several things: He is failing to take control of his own life. Dont fall for it ! A therapist or counselor can often be supportive and helpful. I met a woman on-line and its going great but it is long distance Hes 45 yo, 21 years married. Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and its OK to express grief: Youre grieving the loss of this relationship, what it meant to you, and the role this person played in your life, says Garcia. she is on disability .She cant work or do the things that she loved to do. After 15 years she announced that we never should have gotten married. The pain cant be explained in words. With no signs no reason why just said he had to go he had to do it. Even when I knew I didnt do anything, I got blame for it. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? But I felt like he had used me and that he had only married me to have a life he would otherwise never have had. We have two children together and she has two other children by two other fathers that are not in their lives. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Because i was not dressed for it and i am not comfortable with my body. And that sucks. Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. In thinking about it, I realized that my pain was like a SEIZURE of sorts a *continuous* seizure (the neurologist agreed with my assessment); a signal to my brain that wouldnt turn off. I hope that your marriage works out and you and your husband will be happy once again together. My divorce is in two weeks. Im going to go cry some more before he comes home to dump me over dinner. Dont punish him for this though, because he hasnt done anything wrong. How can somewhon do that to a spouse that has done nothing other than give them all the love and compassion,loyalty,feelings,and commitment for life. He now comes home one day a week and a little on the weekends. Love has to be tough this is one reason no matter what you must not take her back . Wow, that sucks.feel terrible that you have to go through that especially when youve been so patient with all of her disabilities. If you are Christian, pray for there be justice n conviction lay upon your wife heart n soul n she will come to realization her mistake as she will not receive happiness by doing wrong to others. I miss her deeply. Of your. Please keep sharing your common senseok, so my wife of 25 years just abandoned me, posioned my boys (18 & 21) and took the dogand my (deceased) mothers piano. In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. I hate being alone. Anyway, it was discovered that he had been planning this for two years. Of course, feelings change over the course of a marriageyou are not going to have those sparks flying like you did when you first met. I just dont understand why Im not good enough for him. Then I suffered a spinal injury, that left me crippled with pain for seven years, five of them entirely bed-confined. 3. I found out last year my husband has contemporary narcissistic personality disorder. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. In my parents day, they stood together and stayed married, committed right through, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. To the spouse who wants out . And even worse, they ruin their own happiness in the process by doing things that destroy everything that makes them happy. One of the best things I heard directed at someone else- A christian man or woman shouldnt violate the conscience of their spouse, I hope some day I will be able to give myself fully to someone again, but it will be a while. I have been married for 27 years and we dated for 4 years. He was very excited on Friday regarding his news that two lots became available and was texting me of how excited he was. Submit your own storyhere, andsubscribeto our free newsletter for our best stories. 1. He is worried about more his material things than me or our marriage. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. Only now its for real. I am lost. Yes I will stick with you and let the girls know they are unfair and mean in the way they treat me. He probably misses the way things used to be. When we met we had both been divorced so we started with the big stuff. Apostle Paul said we humans face the test of times because we are like animals. I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. Barking dogs are stressing him out and him yelling at the neighbours stresses me out. It comes down to saying, this sucks but also saying to ourselves whatever and just knowing we tried. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Hopefully my therapy along with meds will help me survive this horrible time of my life. Yup its called life. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. The same thing happened to me after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. SHOW ME YOU STILL LOVE ME. She was drugged up on pills again . My life is in a tailspin right now. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. She ruined mothers day after I bought her gifts and took her out. I am a strong person, that helps. We even looked at engagement rings. At the time, my husband was working 14-18 hours a day just to keep food on the table. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? Guest blog from 'Paul' - a man whose marriage ended because of his wife's menopause. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. We started dating at 17 and married at 25. We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. Going through the same this year. My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November 2014. I dont know if anyone will ever love me again! They WOULD NOT like that at all. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. He gives away our clothes and the kids toys while i am at work, saying that we have to much. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. Then last weekend everything changed My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. Are you real? I sought crisis respite because I did not want to be around while he packed up happily to leave. Both child services and the police realized the inaccuracies and now I have our son full time. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. This was mid January. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. Next thing I knew, he was upstairs in our house while I was downstairs. I hate life right now, she wants nothing to do with me, my work is suffering Im suffering, shes telling everyone how happy she is and Im so lost. I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. Next Monday comes and she again asks me to be there every night after work to do all the work and begins to belittle me when I start to question whats going on, she would often tell me I didnt care about the children if I didnt want to be there but by now its getting hard, real hard. We'd love to hear your stories. Call out to the lord! I will never get over this, I am hurting so much. If I don't do what you want, you are unhappy. Trust and believe Carma is on its way. Now our oldest daughter is living with her across town and trying to make sure she doesnt do herself too much harm drinking herself unconsciousness (appears wine is no longer evil) or otherwise. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. Oh well, f$%# her! Read more inspiring stories of single moms: At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he hated me, wished I was dead. I would take a stand and approach this situation head on. Every day I feel like Im about to die inside. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. we had so many deep relationship but when he came to know my past two mistakes he is trying to leave me and now he has relationship with different girls n even told to leave him but I cant I really dont know what to do I really love him from da deep of my heart n I cant let him go any suggestion plizzz, hi im paul married for 5 yrs we have 2 kids. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Letting go of the past - especially a husband who left you for another woman - isn't about "getting over it.". OMG just more Internet divorce encouragement. I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. I dont know what to do. Hi Wendy, I was a bit like you a year ago, had so much to reflect over I didnt know where to start . I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. Dated on and off for 30y., 2 scholar-athlete teens, 4 college degrees between us, 3 solid careers and a nearly paid off house, and four years of kids college pre paid. Health not good. He ended up walking past me and got in our car and left. I know it hurts, my husband left me too. But the reality is, I dont want to move to the next phase of what do I do if he doesnt. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help. This lifestyle caused me great shame and guilt and I could never understand why I didnt fit in anywhere. I had to get a lawyer in another town, because of the good old boy club there. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. She claims to have been feeling this way for a year, but what hurts is that she not only didnt tell me, but she has used all 5 of those reasons listed. The night we separated he told me . She had no problems telling me that she was moving out to her nieces. Now is dating a married woman who walked out on her husband and kids to be with mine. Theres a reason to leave someone. I found that he had taken my key out of my purse for the car. Im truly heartbroken. I know that getting over your husband is a very difficult process to go through. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, its very important that you get immediate help! He wants to be there for me, still my bes friend and has so much respect for me. I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. I only had him. What You Need to Know When Your Partner Leaves. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Cruel. Open the door," said my dad. You should have enough self-control and enough respect for your partner to not even go there. Found out that my daughter saw mom stapling $100 bills into $1000 bricks. It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. I was so in love and i realize it now that shes gone. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. !! Im living the same right now married 12 years and 2 kids 9 and 11 yrs old. I was a stay Hm dad for 3 years and I think it caused the divorce. Drugs and cheating were problems in the past. When its over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. Im not sure whats worse having your spouse off the deep end and watching them demonstrate it, or having someone appear completely intact going through life whilst I am going WTF We all do. I say things before I realize it and then it is just to late She has quit her job and spends the daytime in our house waiting for the kids to finish school and leaves before I get back (leaving the house a tip). All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. How do I keep my self-esteem high when Im going through this? I am aware that this is poisoning my heart and rationally speaking I know I must forgive. Kept promises: A promise, is a promise, is a promise, unless you are married to a narcissist. I am so sorry for you. I feel like Im walking on eggshells when around him. April 22, 2022, 1:05 am. My husband left me a few years ago after twelve years of marriage and me moving to another country to be with him. Everyone keeps saying mid life crisis. Hope things are looking up for you. First he started four days after our wedding to over communicate in the internet and made sure that I dont see what he does. But when a husband feels under-appreciated by the whole family, he's more likely to show resentment than love . Take care my friend it will get better and thank God you arent 58 like me Then we just decided to move. Give her space and dont call her or text her If you have low self-esteem, your man might lose respect for you and feel like he doesnt honor you anymore. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. I genuinely believe she has and will continue to put the children in even remote danger by having what I would consider strangers move into their place. I cant imagine that devastation. Hi I have been with my wife for 7 years we dated for 4 years and have been married for 3. My wife began threatening me with divorce over little things years ago. I am completely devastated, I love her so much, and we have two children together. He made me feel like it was me, I realized later it was not and can not believe I spent so much time allowing him to make me feel this way. Youre alright This is often the most painful reason for a leaving, but its also sometimes the easiest to accept. He works out of town so at the moment 2 weeks on 1 week home it was his first time to that site and it was coming to the end of the 2 weeks one day he was telling me couldnt wait to come home and see me he missed me so much couldnt live without me, very next day found out he was leaving me for another girl that he works with and was just cold cold cold. There are reasons homosexuals hide things like that from loved ones. What determines a family in 2019? Please send me strength. "It's impossible to please you.". My lawyer was shocked too and worked hard at just getting the things my mom gave me. I later found out she moved into the house her male boss was selling. You seem quite smart and extremely able to do this. Few years back as a woman in her mid-40s she had an affair with and 18 year old from the church and declared in a violent rage it was my fault for not making her happy Yikes! Is he really going to his parents house? Peace of mind is what I want. Now, he took us yesterday to a amusement park and it started off fun, but, we had a discussion saying that he would take the kids to the waterpark area and i asked how long would they be there? Well one thing youve not mentioned is being with an alcoholic. It sounds life a lot of work, but its not. She had an affair and i found out about, and I think she cant stand living with the guilt, so by leaving the marriage the guilt goes away. My betrayer ? We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. Insert sarcasm lol. Believe, shell want you back. This was a deliberate act carried out by those who are unethical and immoral. I have no clue what to do with my time now. This is how they survive. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. Any help and opinions would be gratefully appreciated. 2. Ive always tried to change to be more what she wanted, but nope. Why does your family believe him over you? Im heartbroken and crushed and cant stop thinking about her. We have always gotten along great,In every way,always had fun together.The good times outnumber the bad. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. To make things better. You did everything as a family, now where do you go and what do you do while the majority of your friends are out on their family days? I was sexually abused when I was 3 not by a parent / relative. I do, and I dont. She tells me that she hasnt cheated on me even tho I have my doubts. Individuals who lost 5 percent of their body weight over the course of four years were more likely to feel depressed . He sent me a long message to me apologising . Very true . She then started refusing to answer my calls, refusing to let the kids call me either. She recommends practicing self-compassion, and treating yourself the same way you would treat a friend going through the experience. They may have unmet . Hug Obviously, you wanted to marry him/her and you knew that marriage was tough. You have known him for a week and you invite him into my bed with our children and you get suspiciously soo tired your eyes are rolling to the back of your head??? It was rephrased that I abandoned the family and since I made good money now I was responsible for paying the x with her new man $2,000/mo. I have faith in you, I am here supporting your happiness and believe you will find the strength to do exactly what you need to. My wife is using her hatred against me and the past mistakes Ive made are catching up to her. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? I did offer that he gets help but of course it was nothing wrong with him. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. there never will be. He explained he needed to find himself and deal with all the shitty things and pain he had caused to others. Please try to get some structure in your and your sons life. Now, I see that dream, it just that, a dream. Moffa, now 76, had been married 52 years, and . I stuck with him and eventually the drinking did become better however I had difficulty fully trusting him after the first infidelity about two years in to our marriage. Scharnett-King K. (2022). Two still reside with us. She had forgiven me on every occasion but this recent one, really hit her. There were no offers for resources, no books or pamphlets, no direction on what to do next., I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . There are other ways of finding things out, but that all depends on which boundaries you are willing to cross. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. Then, the suggestion clearly doesnt apply. Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. I just dont understand any of it and feel so hopeless. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. Anyway things bumbled along for about 2 years then her new best friend decided to came on to me which I thought was a joke at first as that sort of thing never happens to me (my wife is the pretty one). Refuses to consider the possibility that if she actually wanted this back she would have to at least remove 100% every single reminder to me, just like she did for him when she moved him into my bed so quick Im sure he still smelt my farts lol. Ill never forget the date. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. If it comes to the point of separation, at least the pain will be temporary. Take care. You will get through it. It really hurts. The morning came and he started screaming at me. I have become this weird doormat type character to her waiting on her every move.