A family is at the dinner table. Belly laugh your way through this top collection of Yogurt Jokes! Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 6. - "How much did you pay for those pants? 38. Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts. She drops her pants and says, "My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want! So my wife tried with her right hand nothing. For that reason, we have put together the ultimate list of our favorite dirty jokes that you probably shouldnt be telling to just about anyone. She replied. 36. let's make love today * On the floor! He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, "I've held a penis," so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. So, you want to tell a .css-16acfp5{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.125rem;text-decoration-color:#d2232e;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-16acfp5:hover{color:#000;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;background-color:yellow;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}sex joke? Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" ", The daughter is confused, so she asks her dad. I prefer it when hes not. Every conceivable occasion. Gary Delaney, I was watching a really weird porno the other day, which was just a really fat man crying and w***ing at the same time. ", 23) What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? Second, dont tell any sexist jokes. Patient: I dont understand, doc. My mother's sister is quite good at cleaning smelly laundry. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. We hope you have enjoyed our picks so far! Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. "That's his tail." ", 3) A husband says to his wife, "Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?" 14. The mailman stuffs himself, pushes back from the table, and says, "Thank you maam, this was wonderful, but I really should finish my route. "Because Yogurt Tastes Better" 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) I, personally, am on the fence. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. He's afraid to cough!". My mom said I couldn't get a frozen yogurt. 7. Doing the business in elevators is great on so many levels. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". 33) If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now its clear why everyone calls me handsome. 9. If you can make people laugh with only one or two sentences - you can call yourself a truly funny person! 29. Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." 25. 6. 51) Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? What do you call a cheap circumcision? 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. 14. You also might not want to whip out a dirty joke in front of your parents, grandparents, or in-lawsbut hey, we don't know what your relationship is like your fam, so you do you. ", 67) A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. 26) How is life like toilet paper? How do you help a constipated person? Doctor: Sir, I have some bad news. This was your Grandma's idea! The first man goes into the bedroom. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Q: How do astronauts eat their ice cream? 115) What does a robot do after a one-night stand. To keep his nuts dry. They were all pro-tractors. Tedious Length is also my porn name. David Mitchell, They say one in ten people want a sex toy for Christmas, and thats a lie, isnt it? What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? 31) A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. A: Any Given Sundae. Im afraid youre going to have to stop masturbating. What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? 30. Whats the difference between light and hard? Many of the yogurt carton puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. I thought, Well, which is it? Gary Delaney. 40) Son, I found a condom in your room., 41) Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here.". What is the difference between oooooohandaaaaaaah? Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Always end up at self-checkout. (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) The other guy says, "I don't know. 98) I hope death is a woman. And a slightly different version of this dirty dad joke: When a pair of people have intercourse, it's a twosome. Its too long. Its older than the Sydney Opera House, my penis! Rhod Gilbert, I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel. If you leave yogurt alone it will eventually develop culture. ", 32) A young man goes to see his doctor and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating?" I am the most stoned I have ever been right now. The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." A cup of yogurt. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. What do you get when you do that?" They're very strong and very expensive." 19. Feeling himself - you'd be arrested for less Credit: Pixabay / 4711018 Paddy drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. Lets take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesnt matter. - And why on the ground ? 30 of Jack Whitehalls funniest jokes Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners the clerk says, "Look at him. The doctor replied, "Wait a minute, did you say your wife's friend too?!" I look back as an adult and I think, Oh, she obviously wanted to empower me to find my own pleasure. It had the exact opposite effect there is no way you can enjoy yourself with a man between your legs if youre thinking, Hmm, Mumd be proud. Sara Pascoe, Im going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. 91) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? 45) It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? If you leave a yogurt unwatched for 500 years it will develop its own culture. 25) Why did the sperm cross the road? I think it might be paranormal activia. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. What do tofu and a vibrator have in common? Ive been taking Viagra for my sunburn. Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids One of the problems when you have invisible cows is that they are herd but they are not seen. I always say that If you think doing laundry is not funny, you just need to have a dryer sense of humor. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. I said, Well, Im pretty good, but I dont think Im ready to compete just yet.. 80) Why are pubic hairs so curly? Two test tickles. . The woman turns to her husband and says: Ive just let out a really long, silent fart. You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. Why? Whos there going, What have you got, Nan? . Sara Pascoe (2014) "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.". HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. Frozen yogurt: Frozen yogurt is a frozen dessert made with yogurt and sometimes other dairy and non-dairy products. So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? 37. The friend replied, "I made a simple rule: Sex will begin at 7 pm sharp, whether he is there or not. Ken came in another box. 8) My girlfriend thought I'd be a pushover in bed, and wouldn't you know it, she had me pegged from the start. Justin! The more you play with it, the harder it gets. A woman goes shopping and she buys one tomato, one steak, one yogurt, and a small bottle of soda. For many, rude jokes are the best knock knock jokes. Personally, I think its b***ocks. Billy Connolly, What do you call a video of two toads having sex? 78) What do you call a cheap circumcision? Dirty Jokes Dirty Jokes Let loose and get dirty! My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the bonnet of her Honda. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. "We might as well eat it." It got stuck in a crack. There are quickly-diminishing returns with any shock-value style of comedy. Just all in my experience. David Mitchell, My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. They couldn't close his casket. He writes Sexplain It, the sex and relationship advice column at Mens Health, and is the co-author of Mens Health Best. Why dont pedophiles compete in races? Delivery & Pickup Options - 43 reviews of TCBY Snowden River "I am definately a fan of TCBY and since the weather has warmed up, my family and I go once a week. 114) A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. A b**t plug? She answers, "That's his trunk." Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" ", 71) A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: If you left a Yogurt alone 200 years it would develope a culture. They're always so twisted. The rooster opens one eye, points up, and whispers, "Shh! Sex. Late night construction work on hotel property (. The bear shrugged. Whats the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what you're made of and laugh along! For example, they might make fun of serious stuff like death, murder, wars, and so on. It was shocking. What is the difference between a prostitute and a 7-year-old? The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes Your wife IS better.